3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
