I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
