Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
