Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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