I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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