Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
