First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
