I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
