I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
