I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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