Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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