Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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