I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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