it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize