at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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