ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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