I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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