Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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