you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
