I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize