you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
