Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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