it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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