That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize