Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So many bounce houses so little time
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
