I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
