Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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