you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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