i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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