I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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