Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
