there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize