help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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