all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
