Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
