EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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