so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
