i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
