giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
