I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
