So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
