Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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