it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
