Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I wish there were birth control emojis
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
