You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize