Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
