you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
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