If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
