Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
