After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
and you fell through a lawn chair
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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