YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
you are never too drunk for berry picking
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize