Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
