So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
