I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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