My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
