He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
