I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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