a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
