dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
