i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
