I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
