just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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