you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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