Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
