Define "chronic" masturbator.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize