I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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