this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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