Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
