i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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