Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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