remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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