So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
