You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
