Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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