Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
