Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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