Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
