i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
