Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
