We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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