New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
