why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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