I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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