apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
