I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
