Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize