i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
