Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
