i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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