I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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