Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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